I believe many empaths struggle with BPD within themselves or others like this. The solution may seem complex but it’s core shame being triggered and showing up. To heal, one must learn to sit with pain and choose not to react or believe their feeling in a moment is the totality of reality. They must learn to self soothe – to love self while also taking full ownership of their actions and reactions. What keeps all of us stuck, is blaming things outside self for the reason or justification for how we feel rather than recognizing we are the creator – which is where our power resides. Empaths are often born into harsh circumstances and then internalize the shame of others. With training we can learn this is not our shame but the shame we’ve absorbed. When we realize we are ok which only comes from years of hard hard hard work, and internal self guidance, then we become liberated! No longer do we suffer by acting out our emotions causing us more guilt and more shame. No longer are we stuck in the false belief we are victims – we are not safe – or we are powerless. Yes we are powerless in over the reactions of others – but we are all powerful as the creator of how we choose to respond to others or even our own internal thoughts and reactions to those thoughts. Thoughts produce feelings. As we learn to gently guide our thoughts then we create different neural pathways which create a different way of feeling. If you want to learn more about BPD skip to about 10 minutes of traits 6-9. This is what it is like being in this state and how it effects people who deal with someone in this state. The way I choose to deal with someone in this state is to stay non-reactive, to the best of my ability which is no easy task. It is very hard – and for me I also choose to keep a healthy loving distance from people with this disorder. I’ve come to understand how much they suffer, how fearful they are and how much pain they are in. I have compassion now instead of anger! When they lash out, it’s like hot grease being splattered at you when they do – in most cases I do not believe they intend harm – they are just in extreme pain and under stress when the grease begins to bubble – back away – from a place of self love. It’s a very hard way to be and a hard thing to deal with another in this state. So don’t try this at home alone and seek professional help! Lol but seriously don’t get caught in their shame web and get help! You can’t heal them but we can heal our own inner shame and we all have a little BPD within us – this is about degrees!!! Understanding our own self and inner BPD no matter how mild of a case we may have – will help us create the life we want.

A. You may read this and think “boy do I know someone who is like this”. Here is my challenge to you – now reread and ask all the ways you have shown up like this! That’s the homework.

B. BPD if you think about it – perfectly describes a 2 year old. In that moment all they want is the “x” and might violently throw themselves on the ground “self harm” or scream at you “lash out” then “melt down” cry. If you walk away they might become hysterical and believe you are abandoning them! For an infant what they feel in that moment is the entirety of their world – all consuming.

C. This behavior can show up as narcissistic. If we are so consumed with self and hyper reactive or emotionally hinged on the actions of others – we are consumed with self!

Now from this perspective ask self “am I reacting from my inner 2 year old? If yes – the solution is comfort that part of self. If we lash out at a 2 year old – we mostly likely will feel regret – yes? As challenging as it is at times to stay cool – and trust the infant tantrum will pass – we feel empowered!

So don’t lash out at The BPD in you or in others. Stay cool – self soothe – act from love – and it will pass… we might fumble and we might get our feelings hurt and this may be a master class goal – so work toward it gently and with love!