N probably started off as an unusually sensitive child. Then through trauma, they became more and more numb. This numbness was a defense against being hurt emotionally. It was a defense against disappointment, feelings of helplessness, and being vulnerable (ever again). So they stopped maturing. They may be emotionally 2, 5, 8 or 12 depending on when they shut down.
To complicate matters they may also be an addict, on the spectrum, having higher than average IQ, or other neurological markers like ADHD or you may! So with the combined pool of mental health markers it’s a lot and confusing data to tease out.
Keep in mind as we discuss N we are also talking about “Society”. There are groups or pockets of “N Packs” that behave this way even if your parent, spouse, or child is not. So you might feel this way outside your intimate or familial relations but may experience this at work or in your social community.
Sadly many of us get hit with N from multiple sources. This may leave us feeling isolated and alone until we learn to break cycles, transmute patterns that keep us stuck, and rise out to become our own authentic self. As we go through this series, it is important to remember this is simply the “identifier” phase. The next part will be focus on all sorts of tools to transcend and transmute our part in these toxic exchanges which have left us feeling sick.
The more curios you are, the more you can explore, and learn about the impact of these cross over states. The more I explored, the more I started to observe patterns. This helped me understand. To understand is the step toward how to break cycles! I also saw much of myself in many of these diagnoses. I found connection comforting because if I can relate to these topics, then I must not be very unique. Instead of denying the similarities, I embraced them. If I felt shame, upon reflection, of my own reactions. I used reaction as an opportunity to learn and grow.
For me it did not matter if I was the victim of these cycles or the aggressor. In both cases, the work was an opportunity for me to grow and learn more about myself and those around me. As I began to see in many instances, I was the aggressor, it helped me have empathy for those aggressors in my own life. So all this empathy took the power away from others and helped me find self-empowerment.
Self-empowerment to look in the mirror and just own it! Own it all, love it all, peak into all those places within self that used to be scary. Pema Chodron “The places that scare me” is a great resource for this level of work!
In the next chapter, we will dig into this aspect a bit deeper. So before doing that, let’s take this time to really reflect on how much power we have. We are so powerful when we claim our internal power. We can manifest. We can sit with discomfort. We can learn to depersonalize a message so we don’t take it personally. We have an entire new world of tools at our fingertips. First, though we must travel the hard and scary journey through the dark forest of our own inner self!
We must also understand what we are dealing with outside self too so that we can avoid their traps and snares. That is the purpose of this series, to be a guide to both inner and outer triggers so that we can fully integrate and heal.
