Go For It!

We often admire the brave, the bold, the courageous and the outrageous. They are all great examples of people who risk “status quo” by jumping outside social norms and just really “go for it”!

If you look back at your life, how many times did you intentionally leap and just really go for it? It may be that some of us are afraid to go for it because in our youth (or maybe two minutes ago) we leaped with reckless abandon. There is a significant distinction between intentional and unconscious actions. One might land you in ‘handcuffs’, even if you did little wrong, while the other empowers you to figuratively get away with “robbing the bank”. So here’s what I’ve learned while meditating in the figurative “jail cell of my mind” from a big “misunderstanding”. Maybe you can relate to a royal misstep you didn’t quite intend to take?

Unconscious reaction is super easy to explain – we get stressed, we move fast, we get erratic. The more stress (especially the made up kind between our ears), the more erratic we become. This ‘erratic’ behavior might just be “habit thought pattern loops”. These loops will create a state.

They may present as depression as we sink paralyzed into a coach or into mania; where we start to frantically hop around like a cat on a hot tin roof. Either way we throw our keys in the trash and put our garbage in the freezer. Oh you too? Those are the times a bowl drops and spaghetti goes flying because just one more thing puts us over the edge. We might run over the dog by mistake or lose a big client; speaking from experience here. You?

The solution is usually the same. Slow. It. Down. As Ferriss writes in his book Tools of Titan “No hurry. No Rush.” Breathe. Positive self talk. Act slowly and with intention are usually the best solutions. Of course some days it’s best to let the couch win! Just pull up the covers and let it end already. Tomorrow is a new day. After day three or so, it might be time to do the mental crawl, walk and then walk with purpose technique.

So after I lost a child, do to a failed pregnancy, under a very traumatic and abusive situation; this is what I did; to finally get my life back; so I would have the courage to just “go for it”!

Conversations with self.

Just sit up. You don’t have to do anything more. Just sit up and breathe. Just stick one foot out of the covers. Now let it slide to the floor. You don’t have to do anything else. Now two feet on the floor. But we are not going anywhere. There is nothing to do we are just going to stand and to breathe.

Some days I would hop back into bed and that was all that happened. Eventually, just walk to the shower, but you don’t have to take one. Just stand in the shower, but you don’t have to bathe. Breathe. Relax. Feel the water. Stay in this perfect moment. Nothing else matters. Use some soap but you don’t have to get dressed. Get dressed but you don’t have to go anywhere. Take a walk but only to the mailbox.

After about 5 weeks I was finally able to drive my car without having a full blown panic attack and passing out. It was painful. I was suffering. The entire memory of everything around how this happened in my life was ugly, wrong, sad, and painful. Yet I wanted to live. Do you?

That is the first question we must ask ourselves. If you have never asked this question then you are not an empath, intuitive, psychic, veteran, addict and congrats you may not have any mental health issues either. Then again, you are most likely not reading this blog!

For the rest of us, this question is a good place to start. For me it was a question that had to be answered. Once answered, it could no longer be the escape route ‘back up plan’ for me.

The reason is, I guarded my heart and held back parts of myself because I had that back up plan on ice “break in case of emergencies”. That is not living at all. That is cautiously ambling about, unconsciously waiting for the “shoe” to drop so I could pull out the “check out card”.

At 5, I had decided I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE. I did not know about suicide and did not know it was an option. Had I known, I may have taken my own life. At 12 years old I did in a failed attempt using the wrong kind of pills which only made me pee and throw up. I did run away. I did hide. By 14, I consumed anything and everything that could stop the ache in my heart, the voice in my head and seething pain in the core of my essence. I also became narcoleptic. The stress was so high in my life by age 5, I was exhausted. So I could fall asleep anywhere. I learned that sleep was a break from pain. So anytime it hurt “poof” I fell asleep.

At 17 I decided to live. I decided to give this an honest go. It sucked. The first five years were just pools of emotion, pain and memories just pouring out of me. I was erratic and all over the place. Bolted from every relationship. Left any job when another came along, but begged them not to fire me. I was ok leaving but never ok ‘being rejected’. I climbed the educational and social ladder on my own dime because I thought it was the only way to “get it” and “go for it”.

I was NOT going for it. I was running away from all that hurt. I was not moving toward all that I loved. I did things because the framework put out by others “must be what you do”. I questioned so much but still had so much to learn. I did have creative bursts that were explosive but I was too afraid to act on them. After all, if I just “went for it” that’s not responsible. I confused intentional “going for it” with the reckless abounded of my past. The fear that drove me fearless into harm now drove me deep into “all that could go wrong”.

So got the degree, the house, the car, the mate, the kids, the status, the wealth and woke up one day miserable and disillusioned. Those MOTHERFING LIARS. This is not what makes you happy. I was so stressed trying to be “perfect” I was emotionally numb. I could not feel much more than “stress, frustration and unregistered terror”. You know that tightening in your chest you don’t tell anyone about. Yep – that’s terror! It’s all those repressed, hidden and unresolved issues piling up because “we’ve got this”!!!!! Yeah sure – eye roll.

So I sent a wish out to the ethers that I’d like to feel again. Just like in the movies my wish came true! I sent out the desire I want to be alive and know what that truly is. Not live some life I think I am supposed to live. Guess what happened?

Lost the status, the wealth, and the reputation…. POOF all gone. So let’s skip past the next 10 years; that will be in the book. The point is I got what I wanted. Despite all the disruptive events – I kept affirming this is happening for me not to me. I felt deeply. I grieved. I felt like I was being stripped down naked and then my skin was being peeled off one strip at a time with a pair of pliers. So when we wish and our wish comes true – it may not be what we imagined.

Think of this paradox. I got everything I thought I wanted and woke up one day numb. Then I wanted to feel alive and woke up one day with my world obliterated as I had once known it and in time never felt happier! Boom! That’s the majesty of life – drop what you think – embrace what is – send out a desire – embrace what comes – work your butt off to get out of your own way – feel it – learn from it – own it – return to sender anything people try to put on you which does not belong to you!!!!

Fast forward. I am alive. I broke out of the handcuffs. I unlocked my prison cell. I walked out naked and into the Light and no longer cared I was naked.

I live with intention. My worst fears EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. came to roost. I lived! I have never been happier. I am often blissfully married too because I recognized I could not save our wealth and our marriage; and I chose love. Some can save both. Some can save neither. Some use the back up plan and say “beam me out”. Some do not recover. It’s all a mixed bag and it’s all about setting the intention. Intent with what we think, what we eat, how we act, how we respond all matter greatly to our outcomes.

If I fast because I want to reset my immune system and set my intent to give up food for self care then I will have a rewarding experience. If I starve myself because I think I am fat and want to lose weight, then I will most likely have a very negative experience. There is a difference between “intentions” aka a plan we have vs setting our intent which is a decision grounded in what we want and a declaration. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. The road out of hell is travelled with clear intent!

So do you want to live? Do you want to feel alive? Then set your intention on a small thing – now GO. FOR. IT.

If something is haunting you – ask with earnest “I want to believe this is for my own hiring learning – so how can I grow from this”. Sounds crazy and counterintuitive – but if you’ve tried other ways – why not try something radical? This is why it often takes pain to motivate – because it’s hard and scary and crazy. The buy in is usually outrageous and so often only the “beaten” with little to lose will really go for it!

Here’s to you – to your magnificence – your courage – your creativity – and your desire to grow! You’ve got this!!!

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