What if, all of life, is about the exchange of energy.  Food requires energy to grow.  We consume food essential to our growth.  We expend energy.  We attract energy.  Money represents the exchange of energy. Relationships with others transfer energy. All of these transactions happen on a vibrational frequency.  We get “good vibes” from some exchanges.  We get a “bad vibes” from others.  Is it possible this is more than just a saying?

It occurred to me the other day, that 20 year old Larina, could not have handled present day Larina’s life demands.  It was all I could do to work full time, pay my way through school and keep my own life in some semblance of order. So what happens?  How do we expand and stretch our energy levels?

I remember sitting on a plane, just wiped out, and feeling sorry for myself.  Then I saw a family board the plane with two children.  TWO CHILDREN.  I remember thinking i barely got myself dressed and boarded on time, how do people do this?  How does someone dress not one, but TWO other people.  I started to notice they had shoes! That’s three pairs of shoes someone had to buy, try on, pay for, bring home and finally wear for today’s flight!  At that moment I felt defeated.  I was a failure.  How could they do that when I can barely do me?

At 26, I had cancer on my thyroid.  A few months later, my single mother, had a double mastectomy as the result of breast cancer.  I lost my deepest love, my paternal grandmother to cancer when I was 12 and it almost broke me.  In fact, it really did destroy me for a few years and I went through an extremely dark and painful time in my life; much of which was self inflicted.  So this news for myself and my mother was deeply painful and scary.   I went home to take care of my 5 year old sister and face the possibility I may raise her.  I had overcome major life challenges by this point in my life.  I was eager to grow and learn.  I wanted to expand my consciousness, break away from the norm, and do great things.  

I have always felt, the greatest thing in life anyone can accomplish, is personal growth.  It took a long time for me to understand that was not the metric most people measured their success by.

So why did I hold personal growth and emotional intelligence in such high regard?  To this day I am naturally drawn to people with high EQ’s.  My friends are an eclectic bunch.  They may look different on the outside but they have big hearts and kind intentions.  Those are the metrics to which I use to invite people into my inner circle.  I look to them for inspiration and to keep my own ego in check.  To remind me what is important in life.

I grew up around great power and great wealth.  Sadly, I had few examples in my life of generosity or kind intentions.  It looked like all the money and power one could hope for (private planes, fantasy lifestyles, and the best materialism life had to offer) made people miserable.  I remember walking into the family office around age 9.  The partner looked up from his magazine and called me over to look at a beautiful model.  He put his secretary on speaker phone and asked she arrange a dinner with himself and the model. This was the norm. Relationships were reduced down to a singular ‘ego-gratifying and feel-good’ moment.  When the moment was over, or it no longer felt good, they moved on.

So how do we create high vibration lifestyles and still enjoy prosperity?  Is it possible?  

Fast forward, and throw in businesses, children, mortgages, clients, jobs, family, health issues and nasty litigation; then you are up to speed. The girl who sat on the plane feeling defeated she could barely care for herself, now nurtures a small village!  For some of us, not all of us, we learn to expand our energy level to meet the demands of our life.  We function on a much higher vibration than most.  We make more money, we manage more people and we have the adaptability to process more in an hour, then some people do in a day.

Hang on though.  Is this positive?  Just because we can, does that mean it’s wise to? First, I noticed to stay in balance if I do more of ‘that’ then I must eat cleaner, exercise more and be much more mindful with whom and how I spend my time.  I had to cut out the ‘energy vampires’ and reduce mindless thought chatter; as well as divorce myself from ‘manufactured’ drama.  You know, the people that assess most things as a category 10 disaster, when a deep breath, and a small correction, is more than enough?

The cool thing about having a major life-event, is that it can disrupt our patterns, and make room for us to see things in a different way.  That is what happened in my life; several times over.  A child raised in opulence who leaves home to pay her own way.  A teenager given the chance to travel the world and reframe her perception of humanity.  A young women who achieved everything on the list she wrote out at age 17.  A painful loss.

A disruption who’s quake is so powerful, it’s enough to turn an entire thought-system askew.  When these things happen, do we get the message?  Do we use them as a wake up call?

With every disruption, I could see things a bit different.  I have experienced that attachment causes suffering.  I have learned there are many things I can easily chose to let go of, and when I do, I no longer suffer.  I have experienced that ambition has a steep price; when we overvalue it.  It’s better to consume less. It’s easier to live simply and pay cash for everything.  Children are happiest when they have our emotional presence.  Our children want our time and attention.  They forget about the ice cream and the latest gadget. They remember the family camping trips; the tent that leaked water during a thunder storm.  The ice challenge we concluded down Sliding Rock into freezing water.

So what is the difference between a manic life and a fulfilled life?  

What if the answer is fluid?  What if it’s all just an exchange of energy? What if the answer for me is not for you? What if the answer for me right now is different for me 1 day, 10 days, 10 years from now?  If that is the case, then what do I choose now?  I only have to look at my actions to see what is truly important in my life.  So if my life lacks meaning, then I can choose to focus on more meaningful things.  What means the most to you?