Ego and The Payoff.


“A separated or divided mind must be confused.  It is necessarily uncertain about what it is.  It has to be in conflict because it is out of accord with itself.” Course In Miracles.

Some people are committed to a state of disappointment.  What does that mean?  It means they are unable to maintain a joyful state.  It is only a matter of time before they register a new grievance against a new target.  It may be the IRS or political theology. Next week it’s a family member or co-worker.  It’s the store clerk, an institution or a public policy.  It does not matter, they will find a platform to ‘rail against’.

They just sift through life looking for the next target to channel their disappointment into.  They often focus on small and ‘petty’ things.  They register these grievances about how someone else ‘should have behaved”. They carry the grievance around.  They subject others to their ‘grievance’.  If they are called out for their ‘pettiness’, then they add you to their list of ‘targets’, because you did not meet their expectation.  They live life looking for disappointment and life does not let them down.

I have done this.  Have you?  Internally I was discontent.  I did not realize this.  I did not know how to be a different way.  Do you?  I was calm, but only for a few days at a time.  Then the ‘other person’ or ‘event’ would trigger all my discord.  I had a story. “They are unconscious and do not do their fair share”. Do you know what your story is? Before you answer, “I don’t know means” I am in denial.  I bet your spouse knows what it is 🙂  If we really are clueless then that’s a clue of just how much time we spend on “them” and how little time we dedicate to ourselves.

What is the payoff for seeing myself as the ‘doer’ and others as ‘unconscious’.  I can be right! I can be self-righteous.  I can elevate my own opinion of myself while looking down my nose at another.  This is the master piece of the EGO.   What is your payoff?  Do you sit on the sidelines and then critique another persons play when you never really risked yourself? Do you sit sedentary and use ‘tiredness’ and your ‘hard life’ as an excuse for not moving?  Do you bury yourself in, and busy yourself reciting knowledge to others while failing to apply it to yourself?  Do you run ragged from one project, relationship and crisis to the next for the feeling of self-importance it gives you?  Look for the payoff because it is there!

“The ego is a wrong-minded attempt to perceive yourself as you wish to be, rather than as you are”. Course In Miracles

It is obvious now to see I was the ‘unconscious’ one.  I was so busy focusing on and criticizing others so I would not have to look at me.  I did not want to see myself as a person who tore down others. However, it is clear that is exactly what my ego was doing.  I did not want to see myself as judgmental.  Others felt it anyway.  I did not want to see myself as petty. Who sits around and talks of others and recounts all their defects but a person who is petty? 

My ego wanted to elevate my opinion of “me” and devalue you!  Is this not really a lack of maturity?  I could just as easily attempt to understand where you are, instead of making what I think you are WRONG.  I could just as easily decide to be joyful and add harmony to the situation instead of cogitating and embroiling others in my petty irritation or resentment.

Even more empowering I could figure out why someone or something could have so much power over me as to agitate my state of mind.  In most cases, I was tired.  I felt as though I was working my fingers to the bone and it was NOT ENOUGH.  The work kept piling up.  The financial insecurities kept piling up.  I felt like I was drowning and if “I” didn’t keep it all going it would crash.  Then one day out of exhaustion and tiredness I let it all go.  Some of it did crash and in a major way.  It did not matter.  I was free.  My state of my mind had been released from the egos prison of discontentment.

My house is not as clean.  My children are not ‘highly groomed at all times’.  Some days the pool is their bath.  Sometimes I let things slip through the cracks.  Life goes on.  My friends and family still love me. All that control no longer had a high pay off. The ‘egos delusional perceived pay off ‘ of being right, feeling superior, looking the best, and doing the most, more often became a source of discontentment and irritation for me.  I recognize others who live this way now and I understand.  I also realize that it’s only a matter of time before I become their target!  So I give them permission to judge me.  To think I should do more or be more.  And then I let it all go.  I show up with love.  Contribute where I can.  Stay committed to my goal of living my declaration “I am a playful, present, patient and accepting woman.”  Have you written your declaration yet? Maybe you missed that post so here it is again!  Let me know how this is working in your life.

First I must take care of me.  I have to let go of what everyone else thinks and needs.  I also must let go of my ego’s desire to see myself, others and especially life as I WISH THEM TO BE, rather than who or what they are.

It is not easy at times.  BUT, it is much easier to focus on a joyful state than to be in an unconscious state of perpetual discontentment.

Secret tip.  It is especially easier on my family who no longer has to listen to the recant of how others should “behave”.

“He is like the retired businessman who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation….. who is sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave….” Big Book.

This Post Has One Comment

  1. Charlie

    Things are how they are ‘meant’ to be…

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