We are the architects of our life. We can choose our reactions to what life presents. We can choose to be the witness, of the meaning we attach, to life events. We can choose to react from a place of love or fear. The choice is only ours to make in each moment.

To dwell in the past, leads to depression.  That past no longer exists.  So we can conclude the past is not real.  Therefore, our recall of it is just an illusion (a memory) in our mind.  To dwell in the future leads to anxiety.  We can agree whatever has yet to happen is also not real.  It is simply a fantasy or thought projection of what we think we happen or desire to happen.  So it too is an illusion.  It is only the presence of this moment, which truly exists.  Eckhart Tolle is perhaps the modern master of this teaching.

Our power lies in this moment, and our choice, in how we choose to react to it. These are concepts which take decades for most to understand.   Sadly most will never choose to take the journey, even if they talk about it, or teach it.  The journey is personal.  For me it took specific steps:

Hit bottom.  Start where you are (Pema Chodron wrote a book by this title).  Be aware of every thought (Tony Robbins pays researchers to study neuro linguistic programming (NLP) and they even have an NLP for dummies) .  Drop all judgment of those thoughts (Thich Nhat Hanh is a great teacher on this matter).  Simply and analytically look at the validity of meaning we attach to each thought (Byron Katie has great tools on how to shift the meaning we attach to thought by asking a series of questions).  Recognize that each thought has the power to change the chemical receptors in the brain.

If your brain believes you are stepping on a snake, then it will react as though you are stepping on snake, even if you later become aware it was just a rope.  Therefore, mind thought does not understand the difference between fact or illusion.  It only knows what you think as reality and acts accordingly.

So if you think “this report is going to kill me” your body will react as though you are about to be killed.  You can see how this state of “being killed” could age the body, cause stress, create tense muscles and set the entire nervous system up to fight or flight.  This is what leads to chronic fatigue.  These meanings attached to thought of this is “driving me crazy, that is going to kill me, she is going to leave me, they are doing this to me, life is cruel and will punish me, I deserve this bad thing, I am a failure” are all thoughts our minds don’t distinguish between fiction or fact.

So the mind is an amazing tool and I’ve misused it from a lack of understanding.  I falsely believed I was powerless over all thought.  This is not true for me.  I do have the power to look at each thought and choose to redirect it or attach new meaning to it.  This thought “this report will kill me”, I can ask “is this true?” and even if true how does this thought bring me joy or help me complete this task?  It does not.  What thought would help me have joy or finish this work?  How about “This work gives me compassion.  I wonder how many people are working on reports just like me.  Wow, I am not alone.  This is the world we live in.  Is there some aspect of this report I can help modify and make easier?  Can I do this report in a way that helps someone else?”

All of these new thoughts help me pull thought out of “victim” (what is happening to me) thinking, into what I call “global” thinking (choosing to see the bigger picture of being human).  Global thinking is expansive.  Global thinking seeks to understand rather than to be understood.  It acknowledges that each task I have, there are probably millions or maybe billions of other humans having the same challenge.  It helps me get out of little “i” and into expanded connectivity.  This level of interdependence in thought is far greater and more powerful.  This thought may expand to “wow there are those who work without reports.  They sit for hours and sort trash.  They may only make $1.00 per day”.  This expanded thought may lead to ideas like “I want to create a life free from reports.  What does that look like?  How can I move forward in that direction?”

This is a key thought pattern for me.  I change as the result of desire.  It is the desire of what is ahead that draws me forward.  The “have to, need to, should do’s” only created shame, guilt or a sense of failure.  The “want to, will do, desire to,” are the creative use of thought and make way for all kinds of possibilities.

So I decided I wanted to take the journey of thought recognition and empowerment, regardless what the rest of the world was doing. I decided I wanted this so that I could be the best possible version of self. To be joyful and share that joy. To honor my inner light and honor the light in others. To be the example for my children. To live in the space of creation; rather than talk about it. To hold myself accountable to my own inner desire for greatness, regardless of what “others” were doing.

If you too are interested in taking this journey here are some tools and resources that have helped me along the way.  When agitated and before reacting I may ask:

How important is this?

Does this need to be said?

Does it need to be said right now?

Does it need to be said right now by me?

I have included the origination of these teachings if perhaps you are interested in creating your own stress test.

Stephen Covey: P55 under Principle of Personal Management:

“Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” – Goethe

Habit 1 says, “You’re the creator. You are in charge.” It’s based on the four unique human endowments of imagination, conscience, independent will, and particularly, self-awareness. It empowers you to say, “That’s an unhealthy program I’ve been given from my childhood, from my social mirror. I don’t like that ineffective script. I can change.”

Quakers use the 3 Sieves: It is true, Is it kind, Is it necessary?

THE THREE SIEVES

A LITTLE boy one day ran indoors from school and called out eagerly: “Oh, mother, what do you think of Tom Jones? I have just heard that ——”

“Wait a minute, my boy. Have you put what you have heard through the three sieves before you tell it to me?”

“Sieves, mother! What do you mean?”

“Well, the first sieve is called Truth. Is it true?”

“Well, I don’t really know, but Bob Brown said that Charlie told him that Tom ——”

“That’s very roundabout. What about the second sieve — Kindness. Is it kind?”

“Kind! No, I can’t say it is kind.”

“Now the third sieve — Necessity. Will it go through that? Must you tell this tale?”

“No, mother, I need not repeat it.”

“Well, then, my boy, if it is not necessary, not kind, and perhaps not true, let the story die.”

Buddha’s teaching uses Standards

Is it true

Is it kind

It is helpful

It is conducive to harmony

Is it spoken at the right time.

Here is a canonical quote on right speech:

“Monks, a statement endowed with five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless & unfaulted by knowledgeable people. Which five?

“It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will.

“A statement endowed with these five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless & unfaulted by knowledgeable people.”

“Do the difficult things while they are easy and the great things while they are small.  A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” Lao Tzu.